Akron Ohio Wedding Photographer

Loren Jackson

now booking 2023 + 24!

limited availability
in 2022

now booking 2023 + 24!
 Very limited availability in 2022

We Missed Our Window

So I need to preface this blog post with a couple of things.

  1. You’ll (hopefully) never read another blog post that is so personal and so from the heart as this one.  If you’re not into that kinda deep, close the window now.  I’ll spare you the time.
  2. I’m not looking for your sympathy.  I’ve put this blog post off for so long because I hate reading comments expressing their sorrow for this topic.  Maybe not so much “hate” but uncomfortable.  Yea – uncomfortable is the word.
  3. This isn’t a topic that is discussed EVER, which made me feel alone in this journey, and I know i’m not alone because SO many women go through this and they’re not even wedding photographers or in the wedding industry.

Before Josh and I got married, I wanted to wait to grow our family.  I wanted to get a master’s degree, have our life in order, and just be US for a couple of years.  And then something in my heart changed.  About six months into our marriage, the urge to be a mommy hit me like a ton of bricks.  I know God created me to be a mom.  I have some of the best role models in my life, so the motherly instincts come so natural to me.

This past spring, there was a conversation in our marriage that we never had before.  With a heart that felt like it was beating out of my chest, Josh and I said we would try to have a baby.  I told one of my closest friends that I wouldn’t be disappointed if we didn’t get pregnant because life was about to get busy.  Like real busy.  I was weeks away from quitting my teaching job and starting the busiest season of my business yet.  But I told another close friend that if we didn’t, I knew I would be crushed.

See, when you’re a wedding photographer and Bride’s depend on you showing the up for their wedding day, and capturing moments for the decades to come and not just for Pinterest, you have to PLAN for a baby.  So many family members said you can’t plan for a baby, you just let it happen.  Well…as a wedding photographer you literally have to plan.  And that means there’s only a 3-5 month window of time that God says you’re either ready to be a parent, or you’re not.  When you miss that window, it’s HARD.  It’s crushing.  And that’s what is never talked about.

Yes, infertility is talked about (not as much as it should be), and is sadly all to common for women who deserve to be mothers.  But I never hear other creative entrepreneurs with an “on season/off-season” talk about this window of time – and then failing to get pregnant.  Are we unlucky with really bad timing, or is there a problem with our bodies?  When do we accept that it’s a body problem instead of a luck problem.  How many years do we go planning a baby in our off-season so we can provide for our families during our on season?  Doctors don’t want to run tests until it’s been a year into this “trying”.  So where does that leave women who want to be a mommy but also be a badass boss lady?

Boss ladies and dudes don’t have the luxury to try and try every month.  Maybe that would make this more journey more bearable.  When the window comes there’s a sense of optimism and hope.  But as each month comes to an end the feeling of heartache gets stronger.  When that window closes, it’s crushing and paralyzing.  You’re left confused and mad.  Envious of others.  Then you’re reminded of this failure when someone announces they’re pregnant during your window of time and you begin to wonder what you did wrong and why you don’t deserve to have that same joy and excitement they have.

With the holidays coming, and seeing family you haven’t seen since the previous holiday season, I know what’s coming.  And I’ve honestly considered boycotting ALL family functions until after the holidays.  The last question I want to answer is “When are you going to have kids?”  I don’t think the appropriate answer is “Shut your face.  Whenever we damn well please” as I slam the door and walk out.  As you can imagine, I don’t handle that question well.  It makes me uncomfortable and reminds me how we missed our window.  And how we have to work in this window of time.

Please don’t read this post and comment how sorry you are.  That’s not what this was meant to do.  I don’t want your pitty and sorrow.  This was meant for other creative entrepreneurs to know they’re not allow in this journey.  To know they’re not the only one who struggles with hitting that window JUST right.  Not everyone has the luxury of having a December baby and having the whole winter and most of the spring before wedding season kicks in again for those who experience winter.

We have a good days/weeks/months.  We still get excited for those are experiencing the joy we long to experience.  But we also have those bad days.  Days were you simply wish you could block all things baby/pregnancy from your social media.

What you can do though is share this post with those woman.  Remind them they’re not alone.  But don’t remind them “it’s in God’s hands.  When he’s ready, you’ll know.”  That doesn’t help the helplessness we feel in our hearts.  We don’t need you to rationalize for us.  We only need you to LISTEN.  Be the best friend who listens when your creative friend needs to be selfish for ten minutes and then crack a joke when the rant is over.

SHARE THIS POst

  1. I am sending you lots of love my friend, trying for a baby is one of the hardest things in the world – I couldn’t imagine doing it with a specific time table because it’s true – you really can’t plan for them. ❤️

  2. Renee says:

    Just letting you know that you aren’t alone! After two miscarriages this year, I learned that trying to “time” a baby just wasn’t going to work for us. Our second baby, a little girl that we lost in July, was due in January- right at the beginning of my busy season. And I was elated. After losing the first, all “planning” went out the window. The idea of taking months off of trying is soul crushing for me to think about… while our careers are super important, we’ve made starting a family number 1 priority over that.

    And totally with you on the holidays, we just made a year of marriage and I know certain people that don’t know about our losses will be asking (they did last year too for crying out loud). The response we decided on is a simple “one day.” It’s short enough for MOST people to get the hint that you don’t want to start a conversation about this. Praying for you girl!

  3. This! So much this. I’ve done the same thing where I tell one person “if we have a baby, great! If we don’t have one, great” and then told my husband that I want one and if we don’t it will hurt, deep. I had to tell a specific family member to stop making jokes about me being pregnant every damn April Fools because it hurts and quite frankly pisses me off.

  4. Aly says:

    Guess what, I can relate oh so well. Only, for me, it’s been 4 years now…. I’ve given up hope as I just turned 41 among other hurdles in my life. I decided adoption and fostering don’t require that window, and that may be my only option. I think we need a photographers support group for this. I would attend.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Thank you so much for writing this! It hit me square in the feels because I’m currently in the same boat as you. I’m also a wedding photographer who’s trying to get pregnant and was aiming for that window that you speak of. I felt the need to comment and share my thoughts on this matter because I’ve had a lot of time to think about it and I look up to you in the professional world so I thought now is my chance to help you like you’ve helped me!

    You’re going to get to a point where you say screw the window. Trust me, I’m already there lol. In a perfect world, we would get pregnant as soon as we decided we were ready. We’ve heard about people getting accidentally pregnant, so how hard can it really be? I gave myself a 6 month window of trying so that my baby wouldn’t be born during May-October. Every cycle I would be so excited and so convinced that this was our month, only to end up crying silently in the bathroom every time my period came. I quickly realized that this was going to me more difficult than I had been lead to believe and I had to make a choice of what was more important to me.

    So this is my new plan: I’m currently trying all year round. If I were to get pregnant, I would wait until I made it to 12 weeks to notify clients. I would look at my due date and see which weddings were in the time frame of me being 8 months pregnant until 1 month post-partum and contact them for a refund of their deposit and suggest other similar photographers to myself. They would still have time to find a replacement and I’m sure they would be understanding of a pregnant woman lol. If not, then I wouldn’t want them for clients anyway.

    We can still be badass boss ladies! Missing 2-3 months of one wedding season won’t be the end of the world or the end of our businesses. We can make it through. When I think about the bigger picture of my life, 2-3 months is a small sacrifice to enjoy a lifetime of love for my little one.

    If you’re worried about money, I would start setting aside some each month while you’re trying and call it the Baby Fund. It can be used to help support the household during your 2-3 month break. Then once you are pregnant, I would more aggressively start stashing as much cash as I could during that 9 months. If you have a nice little money security blanket, you’ll feel better about taking off part of wedding season.

    I don’t expect you to take my advice or anything, it’s just some food for thought. You have to do what’s best for you and your family- whatever you decide that is. I just thought you might like to hear another local photographer’s perspective who’s going through the same thing. Keep up the wonderful work! I read all of your blogs and hope to be like you one day lol.

  6. Gabby says:

    I am so happy, for one, that you wrote this. You are literally the only other creative I’ve discussed our baby issue with, and I admire your ability to put it out there on the blog. It’s probably cathartic and I wish I could. We have to stop and put it on hold December through the end of March so that I’m not expecting during fall’s busy season next year, and I know that sucks so bad. As my older two get older, the more I question “Oh gosh, it’s been years since I’ve had to change a diaper— and business is so good— is this something I even want to do?” It’s so hard to wrestle with. We were hoping we’d have a positive when we came back from vacation but it looks like a nope. November is our last wind before our window closes too. You’re not alone in this babe. <3

  7. Kat says:

    Oh, Loren! Thank you so much for opening up & sharing about something so personal. I agree, this is not something we talk about – at all. Matt and I began “trying” (whatever that even means) this year during my “window”. I was also like you – if it happens, great – but I also understood that it might not. After our miscarriage in July, the world sort of stopped. The “window” felt suffocated, thoughts of continuing to try or not trying at all weighed so heavily on my heart & in our marriage. I was mad at God because that WAS our window & now we lost it. And I’ve struggled with my own fears & trust every day since then! I know this is not an easy post to right, but thank you for starting the conversation. You’re right – words don’t always help & pity is terrible. But know that you are not alone in this feeling & I’ll be thinking about you this holiday season!! xo!! kat

  8. […] seriously, where have the last eight months gone?  It still seems like just yesterday I wrote avery open and very personal blog post about my inner struggle with getting pregnant a year ago. Now here we are, one week away from being nine months […]

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